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In jest…I think that God should have installed several ON-OFF switches in our bodies that we could control at will and here is where I want mine:

1. Starting at the top….Slap one right up against the side of my head. One that controls my thoughts. (I will hide it under my hair.) I want to be able to turn OFF the thoughts that do acrobatics and Zumba in my brain in the middle of the night and keep me awake trying to solve problems that have no answer, that keep me worrying about issues that do not belong to me, that keep me requesting things from God that He won’t give me yet and that make fitful sleep an impossibility. I want to sleep. I need to sleep. Please let me sleep.

2 Moving a little lower, for the sake of my family, my friends, and for the benefit of the world in general…put a little-bitty switch (not too visible) to control my mouth. For two reasons…my sons say I need a V-chip to filter and I would like it also to prevent the intake of excess calories. Just imagine how nice it would be…but then I’d want the switch to be set for ON, with the ability to override it…just in case I do not want to filter. Sometimes things just need to be said. After all, I really prefer that people be up front and honest…truthful and still nice. I hate it when people dance around about how they really feel. Don’t you?

3 Okay…moving on (and I am sure I am missing some key places). I would like one right over my heart. It too should be automatically ON, but with the ability to turn OFF some emotions. I want a respite from grief and sorrow…and from regret, depression, and sadness. I guess that the switch on the side of my head should control those feelings, because you cannot have an emotion without first having a thought….but just in case it doesn’t work, an extra switch would be nice. Double the protection. I know. Feeling pain is supposed to be good, a sign of life. How about a little more life without the pain? Let the good things flow, the love, the happiness, the gratitude, and the joy….make me laugh dang it…a full on belly splitting laugh. (Remember, this is being written after having a night of tossing and turning and very little sleeping, so forgive the ramble.)

4 Just two more….I know there are a lot of other places that need switches…but I don’t want to be too greedy (or explicit). Moving on….help me here with the placement…I’m not too sure where to put this one now that things have been ripped out of my body, leaving more room for fat to collect. I want a permanent OFF switch that controls Menopause. TURN IT OFF! Be gone hot flashes! Be gone skin dryness! Be gone weight gain! Be gone wacky emotions! BE GONE. BE GONE. BE GONE… I’ve clicked my heels three times. Does it matter that I am not wearing ruby-red shiny shoes?

5 Last one and then I will shut up (here is where the first two switches could easily come into play)…I want a dual-purpose switch on my big toe. Maybe I could use switches like the ones that are on my coffee maker, flat and sensitive to touch, that way they won’t be bulky and uncomfortable when I am wearing shoes. First…the switch is to be set ON so that I will start walking like I need to, to help, maybe even eliminate the need for switches 1-4. Imagine, just getting up and walking everyday like I’ve said I was going to do every day for the past (oh I don’t know) five years?….Okay the other purpose would be to control the release valve that would siphon the fat out of my system in case my walking switch never engages. I don’t even care if it hurt … just get rid of the excess fat right through my big toe. (Yuck…that is a really bad visual.)  That way I would not need all the other switches after all.

I KNOW. Okay….I know! I get it. I need to walk. Forget the dang switches. Even though there are a few people who would agree that the switches would be an easy out. I will put on my ugly walking shoes and get my butt off this chair and I will walk. I will. (Now I kinda have to, don’t I?)

I still want the fat release switch. I really, really do. Ohh and by the way … I don’t want to look like or be R.O.S.I.E.  But I would like someone to send me a Rosie Robot…she could be quite helpful around here. Maybe she could push me out the door and nag me to walk. Just saying.